i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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