There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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