Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
