Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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