Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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