Non-Jews are for practice
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I think I just sharted jello shots
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
