her vagine was all disorganized.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
