You smell like a Billy Joel song
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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