I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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