He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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