dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
