But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't deserve a penis
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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