Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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