It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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