I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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