I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
