Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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