She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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