I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
