Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
