i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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