turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
