I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
