Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
