i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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