Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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