Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
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I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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