I love black thongs
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
