my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
