"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
