I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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