Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
