In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
