puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
