WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
