Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
