Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
