the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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