my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
