My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You have to summon your inner elephant
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
