Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
