he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
