He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
