all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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