I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
