So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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