I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
did you just send me my own nude
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
