she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
