Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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