Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
