fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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