According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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