so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
