I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
