hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
