Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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