i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
