I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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