at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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