pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
