Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
