she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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