i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
