I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
