My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
