yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
