I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
