He uses pillows to masturbate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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