you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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