If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
