So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
