Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
