I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
