I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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