i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
