I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
